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Had my second therapy session on Friday. I find it good to go, talking to someone is very helpful and getting out what happened to me and my feelings is good for me to overcome the issues I have.

Talking to my therapist unearthed a lot of issues I have gained since I realised what had happened to me, since I realised that I had been groomed for over 10 years and sexually molested. My therapist has helped me realise a lot of the trauma I’ve been through.

My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD and she helped me realise that the reason I haven’t slept properly in months is because I’m now hyper-vigilant to everything around me at night because the last time I was molested I heard him in my room in his house watching me sleep. I’m jumpy too and if I even make little connections between people and my memories then I can’t be near them alone.

My therapist helped me realise that I was brought up differently to my sisters. My therapist helped me see that I’ve been strong all of my life and that this has shaken me to my core.

Every time I go to the see my therapist I cry and it’s hard for me not to because like I always say to her, admitting what happened to me and talking about it really makes it real and hard for me.

She tells me to write what happened to me from the 8 year olds perspective as she didn’t have a voice and she told me to write it down to give the young girl in me a chance to regain part of her childhood. I feel like this man stole my childhood and took away my trust, my confidence, my ability to sleep.

I wish someone would understand how I’m feeling and what’s going on in my head. I wish my boyfriend would understand that I don’t mean to make connections with people he knows and the person who did this to me.

I wish people didn’t look at me with so much pity, but they do and I get it, but it doesn’t mean I like it. Anyway, let’s keep fighting those demons.